my vacation starts tomorrow!!!! + late night questions tag

-- august 15th, 2018, 12:02 AM
-- song of the day : loving is easy by rex orange county ft. benny sings // please don't change a single little thing for me 
-- currently looking forward to : MY VACATION TOMORROWWWW TODAY YAYAYAYA

hey friends!!!

ITS MIDNIGHT AND I SHOULDNT BE AWAKE RN AND IM PROBS GONNA REGRET IT WHEN I WAKE UP BUT I'M JUST HERE TO SAY. I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE FOR EUROPE TOMORROW (OR TECHNICALLY,,,,,TODAY) WOOOOOO

i've been waiting for this vacation the whooole summer! i don't know why we didn't just do it in july but it DOESNT MATTER bc i'm leaving tomorrow today baby!! i can't wait to see new places and faces and sights and sounds and smells and feelings and fun. it's just. it's gonna be great. i can feel it.

if you haven't been up to date on this blog for a while, i'm going to be travelling to norway and other surrounding countries and cities like stockholm, sweden and copenhagen, denmark and norway and probably a looot more for the next two weeks. i'm gonna be totally new to the culture and sights there so to tour around all those places is gonna be so interesting. i'll definitely be trying to update you all on what's been happening by posting every couple days or so.... hopefully. i really hope i'll have time to do that.

my summer homework still isn't completely done though so i'll be leaving that behind, rip. i finished writing the whole essay out but i wrote too much for it basically lol, while they asked me to do just 300-400 words i wrote literally 700 😬 all i gotta do when i get back is attempt to shorten that monster further i guess... or ask if it's ok to write more lol. i'm a little worried im the only person out of my classmates who's worked on this though, we literally went over it for 5 seconds at the end of the year and im not sure if others remembered it. maybe i'm the only person who did it and i'll just get an A for participation lmao

anyway theres a lott more i should probably catch y'all up on since my last post but i'll just.. not because this post would go on for too long and not to mention it's SUPER late rn aaaa yikes!! i'll just leave this quick question tag here, i found this tag unfinished in my google docs and decided to complete it for this blog because it's.... it's just for late nights like this. and i thought it was cool. do it on your own blogs if you'd like (if you have one too), i don't know who i'd tag to do this so :p

♡ the late night questions tag ♡

cosmos: what's one thing you wish you could say to someone you are no longer friends with?

✿ nothing tbh, since they're out of my life now it just wouldn't matter what i’d say :/ like if u don’t care about me anymore, i won’t care about you. we’re through, my dude

galaxies: what are three things you want to do before you die?

✿ achieve success with my career, move into a nice house with a bunch of houseplants & a dog / cat, and (kinda silly and a reach i KNOW) see one direction come out of hiatus or at Least tour together again lol

waxing: what is your proudest accomplishment?

✿ tbh,,,,, i dont think i really have any. i've barely even started my life yet and there's a Lot of goals i still need to reach, the whole world is Out there for me to fucking conquer even, so i like to think i'm still getting there. or maybe my life is just too uninteresting. or just really sad. idk, i just hate that this is so hard for me to answer because i truly can't find anything in my life Big and Special enough for me to call it my proudest accomplishment. maybe my self expectations are too high but i don’t think i have one… yet :///

waning: what is your biggest regret?

✿,,.....,.... my whole existence :)

full moon: what type of person do you hope to be?

✿ that kind of person that's So magnetic that everyone wants to be around them, you know? those kinds of people that can literally light up the room by just walking in. someone that always knows what to say to make others smile and feel happier, who can 100% be relied on to help those in need of it. the kind of person you’d trust with your life. 

contemplation: if you could wake up one morning and everything in your life was perfect, what would that look like?

✿ i’d probs wake up to a breakfast of pancakes nd fruit, then leave to hang out with friends at a park or something. the sun would be shining, and all of my problems and negative thoughts would have just vanished. i’d feel loved.

idk why all my answers are getting so deep and poetic and Emo lmao sorry!!!

night light: who / what makes you feel safe?

✿ my family, my friends, dogs, my bed, blankets, warm drinks, and my favorite music artists c:

ponder: what do you want to do with your life?

✿ of cOUrse this question is here dsldjdk why did i expect Anything else on a tag like this rip.
at this time of night i can’t remember Any of my dreams and goals lmao i suppose i just want to take one day at a time?? become a nurse practitioner, help a ton of ppl, start a family with someone i love that loves me back,,,, and conquer the world lmao. idk how i’ll do that as a nurse but. i Will

sunset: who is someone you thought would be in your life forever, but you no longer talk to?

✿ ,,,,,,,,,,,, all my old [redacted] friendships are in limbo rn hOOOOOO BOy. they all follow me on instagram but do they ever message me?? invite me anywhere ?? no !! i always gotta do it myself!!! bc they forgot about me!!! just bc im not ** *** **** ****** as them anymore !!!! and i just let them slip away!!!! fuck !!!!!

midnight: are you a different person late at night than in the early morning?

✿ idk i guess not. still grumpy in both scenarios. tired by day, tired by night, and all that

candle light: are you an indecisive person?

✿ nah i don't think i am?? like i can decide at First but then people ask me “aRe yOU sUREeE ABouT tHatT?!???” and theN that makes me second guess myself like “o shit am i making the right choice ?? these ppl are doubting me?? does that mean i’m wrong??” hhHAHAHAHAaHAA ugh i hateeee that !

reflection: have you ever changed something you liked about yourself to satisfy someone else?

✿ lmao probably but maybe i just wasn't aware of it >_< i do remember that i went through a phase where i really liked pink but then went through an even Longer phase of hating it when i was 8-10 bc it was the Edgier thing to do, nd everyone thought i was some innocent goody-two-shoes little girl that they can easily manipulate, which i didn't like lmao so i tried to avoid anything stereotypically “”girly”” prove i wasn’t, that i was just as ”cool” as other people my age. but now i know that it's because i didn't want to conform to toxic gender roles internalized in our society for centuries and tbh, i really wish there was someone who told me that it was Okay to like gender-stereotypical things, as long as i didnt let these gender roles define me or what i should or shouldn't like, and that colors like pink or blue or whatever are Not inherently attached to Any gender and that whoever came up with genderizing colors like that is just a big fucking jerk.
and now i love pink just as much as i do any other color so ! yea i'm not in denial anymore :)))
also what's wrong with respecting other adults and not being a nuisance to them as a kid?? lmao fuck y’all let 8 y/o me LIVE she was just tryna be nice! leave her alone!!

sweet dreams: are you happy?

✿  idk her :---------)
(i Am happy with some Core things of my existence like my amazing family, my good education, the food i receive at the table, etc. i can count my blessings. but like at the same time?? im generally pretty unsatisfied w/ quite a few things in my life. there's a Lot i wish i could change… namely me. i want to change me. it's Me who makes up all these problems for myself for absolutely no reason and i for one am sick of her :/)

nightmare: what are you most afraid of?

✿ failure, humiliation, losing everyone i love, bees, large insects, spiders, and suffocating i guess lmao.

constellations: who is someone you could talk to for hours and never stop?

✿ my sister !!! or my best internet friend !!!

reminder: who is someone you will never forget?

✿ my mom ! <3

11-11: what's something you want, but feel like you will never have?

✿ literally a sword aksjskandjs someone Please get me a sword on my bday… i don’t know what i’d do with it other than defend myself from a murderer or hang it in my room as decoration but i would look SO cool and badass just carrying one around ugh idk. i want one!!! but my parents definitely wouldn't let me have one x(
also concert tickets for any of my fave bands rip

shooting star: who is someone you trust to help you make the right decisions?

✿ my mom or sister !!

earth: where do you feel most at home?

✿ in my room…. which is in my home lol, silly me. and i guess wherever my family is <3

soothe: what's one thing that always makes you feel  better when you're upset?

✿ venting about it, watching vine compilations or my favorite youtubers, drawing, or listening to my fave music. maybe practicing mindfulness too, ive been doing that a lot :-)

slumber: what's one thing that helps you fall asleep when it feels impossible?

✿ i,,, honestly don't know ugh i can Never sleep these days. pls help ya girl out and comment some things that help you sleep if you read all this??

if u read all of this, ur a champ.

gn everyone !
x ainsley