aug. 29 -- sept. 2: mini summary

-- date : september 4th, 2018, 11:15 PM
-- song of the day : wake me up when september ends by green day // summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last
-- currently looking forward to : the school year ending aaaahahahahaha

hey friends

nearly a whole ass week has passed so heres a quick life update on me since the last time i posted...

• soooo to kick this off.... my birthday happened on the 29th
• my sweet 16, as people would say. wooow. im sixteen now. still can't process that at all lmao
• i dressed nice and had lunch with a ton of friends at this buffet place!!! went surprisingly well !!!! we had fun !!! or at least i thought everyone did :p 
• my friends got me a shit ton of gifts and cards which ???? i literally wasn't expecting at all??? lmao it's usually just my family who sends me gifts but this time my parents didn't have time to get me much so i didnt think i'd get That many things. but then i did. it was nuts. i may have almost cried when i opened my gifts that night wow i love my friends ;------;
• i don't think i have time to talk lots abt allll of the presents ppl got me (god i feel SO vain saying that ew) but an interesting trend i noticed was that quite a few people got me notebooks ??? not the school kind but the pretty journal kinds. i have too many blank journals im not sure what to do with now lmao
• the picture portraits went ok too. i didnt look that bad. the photographer thanked me for being such an easy model for her :p
• anyway enough abt my birthday,,, life just got boring after that haha
• my grandma went home on friday. i always like having her over so i miss her quite a bit :/
• i worked to finally finish my summer homework last sunday. so then i had basically two whole days of total freedom.
• which i spent like. 70% drawing, 10% worrying about school, 20% procrastinating in the depths of obscure youtube videos. welp.
• i also started learning a new song on guitar today too -- renegades by x ambassadors. it's well known nd fairly easy so i was like why not :p and it is pretty easy,,, up until i attempted the finger picking parts. i think thats r gonna take a while to master lmao i just find picking so difficult
• idk when i'll be able to play guitar again though now that school's gonna eat up all the time i have for my hobbies :///

oh and THATS ANOTHER THING HA HAH HA school starts tomorrow !!!! and i hate it !!!!! 

like genuinely i think this is going to be the worst year of my life. i'm a fucking full IB student now but i sure as hell don't feel as prepared as one should be. 

too much to think about.

too much i'll have to start doing.

too much precious free time i'll be sacrificing.

you know how people always ask you what you do in your free time ? well now i dont do SHIT in my free time. bc i'll have no free time :))

u know what i'm expecting outta this year ?

nothing.

i have no expectations anymore. they somehow managed to get even lower than last year.

i shouldn't be this bitter and desperate when the school year hasn't even started but. i am. i just want to wake up tomorrow and suddenly know how to manage my time, know how to say all the right things and do simple tasks well, know how to stay positive... just suddenly not be that much of a fuck-up.  

or better yet, wake up and suddenly realize my entire high school experience was a fever dream and im actually living it up in scandinavia in the middle of summer.

i'll probably just end up relying on talking with my classmates to help me survive. seeing my friends again on a regular basis is pretty much the only thing that will help me cope right now. 

i can go on and on and be super melodramatic but i think it's time i try to sleep before midnight comes for a change. 

see u in my next post :-)

x ainsley